Thing1&Thing2

"These are $3...they're not babies anymore."

I took 2...& named them Thing1 & Thing2. Thing2 was smaller, but just a little. I brought them home, put them in my small tank, & I've been watching...observing them since.

I googled Apple Snail. Wow! Intriguing. I followed the spiral to the center. And so started this journey.

They became friends almost immediately. They were rarely apart. And, a week before Christmas Thing2 became ill. It's pad came together as if fingertips all touching at once. It didn't move for days. It stayed at the back of the tank by the filter. I almost took it out to the garden to bury it. A voice said "no"...but not in words. Death is hard to watch these days. I had to walk away. I had SO much to look forward to. Change your thoughts girl. And so I did. I trusted that Thing2 was going to make it. That voice. Anyway, Thing1 had foung it's friend. It got right up against Thing2. I was reassured.

And then Christmas was upon us. I got Mom-napped by my son & grandson. I liked it! I revisted my childhood as I watched the world through that little guys eyes. He's 3. The word love takes on yet another meaning. We played, & I filled him full of sugar cookies. We fired at each other with peanuts. We both pooped out at 9pm.

And for the first time since he was born, I was there! Right there with him! It was wonderous! Magical! There are no words....and then that journey ended. & another door opened....

I got home & went directly to the tank. Thing2 hadn't moved. I again procrastinated the funeral. And the next time I looked up, there they were...side by side on the glass! Magical. And as I watched them, they spoke lessons to me. They don't need each other necessarily to procreate. But I can't imagine being the only one of my species...the only one of any species in my environment. Did Thing1 save Thing2? Had Thing2 eaten too much spinach? Did I have my thermostat too low? Nawww...I think it was much deeper than that. I'm not much of a social person. I mean, I don't need to be around people all the time. In Abnormal Psychology it may be seen as a social disorder, or symptoms of depression, but in Positive Psychology (both with Dr. Pete...what a guy!) it's called Socioemotional Selectivity...& it's a good thing.

Nature & all that encompasses has SO much to teach. We need only to slow down, look, listen...wonder.

SO much has been brought to the forefront through dj's Project Consciousness.

I've been lost in space for awhile...but I'm back now.

"The Secret"

"The Universe will respond to the nature of your song"

www.thesecret.tv

Forever in my heart

http://www.maylin.net/Fireworks.html

Please send some fireworks to Boby...any time of the year...she loves them! :)

"Silent Lucidity"

http://new.music.yahoo.com/videos/Queensryche/Silent-Lucidity--36648108

Hush now don't you cry
Wipe away that teardrop from your eye
You're lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream spinning in your head.
Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game of life
So here it is, another chance. Wide awake you face the day.
Your dream is over...or has it just begun?
There's a place I like to hide. A doorway that I run through in the night.
Relax child...you were there, but only didn't realize it and you were scared.
It's a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the years
And ride the whims of your mind
Commanding in another world suddenly you hear and see this magic new dimension.

I-will be watching over you
I-am gonna help you see it through
I-will protect you in the night
I-am smiling next to you...in silent lucidity.

If you open your mind to me
You won't rely on open eyes to see.
The walls you build within
Come tumbling down and a new world will begin.
Living twice at once you learn
You're safe from pain in the dream domain
A soul set free to fly.
A round trip journey in your head.
Master of illusion, can you realize
Your dream's alive, you can be the guide but...

I-will be watching over you
I-am going to help you see it through
I-will protect you in the night
I-am smiling next to you...in silent lucidity.

Farewell my friend

Farewell my bestest and most faithful friend. I will love you and miss you forever. Give Boby a big sloppy BooBoo kiss for us. We will meet again my loving friend...on the other side.

Sable aka Mable aka BooBoo - euthenized 6/5/09 due to bone cancer. She was diagnosed 2 years ago, and given 2 months to live. She was the greatest trooper I've ever known. I just couldn't be selfish anymore by not wanting to let her go. I looked into her eyes, and she told me it was time. So very seldom do we find a friend that is so dedicated, and that loves us so unconditionally. We camped together, we swam together. We traveled the country together. She sat in the passenger seat just like a human. I remember so many times people pulling up next to us laughing, as they must have thought that she was a person. She didn't even mind the seat belt...just as long as she could go bye-bye with me. She will be SO missed. My house feels so empty right now...but she is no longer in pain, and in that I find comfort...well, comfort isn't really what I'm feeling this second, this minute, this day, but I know that one day I will.

Word of the day...

FEY - possessing or displaying a strange and otherworldly aspect or quality.

Believe...& you will see

A part of you is trying very hard to hang on tightly to the past, dear Virgo. Be careful of being so adamant about this that you do not allow anything new to enter your life. There is important information coming your way. Although this information is unexpected, & perhaps even uninvited, it is most likely etremely important for you to listen and understand. Use it to get your mind buzzing with new ideas - you can only benefit!

My Son...and a late family picture

My daughter, Boby

Coincidences

OK...I'm back! (I DON'T 'get' drama!)...& I'm going to go somewhere that will probably have men in white coats at my door...but, oh well. My daugher has presented herself to me in a geometric ENERGY form. There have been many things that have happened...and not just to me. Her twin brother and her sister have had their own experiences. I don't believe in coincidence much. An ocassional 1, MAYBE 2...but that's where 'I' draw the line.
And then I ended up at: www.greggbraden.com/ & http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8506668136396723343 for a good part of the day. And my previous post...what the sky told me today...Coincidence? I'm thinking no! Thanks again widgerm for opening those doors for me! :) Check out projectconsciousness.blogspot.com
Every year, on the 4th of July, I go to the corner where my daughter left, and light fireworks for her. Last year, my (step) neice and my (step) grandson went with me. As I was lighting those balls and dropping them in the tube, and watching them explode, a 'creature' walked right in front of me. I was maybe a bit lucid...I was not aware of it. After the last boom went off, and we loaded up in the car, both neice and grandson asked if i saw that 'creature'. I hadn't. They both described it as small, and black and brown. (The same color of my Booboo...my friend, who is a dog). They both said it didn't look like any animal either of them had seen. Coincidence? I'm thinking....no. You'll never convince either one of them that it didn't happen. But I didn't see it. I was in the sky with Boby. She loved the 4th. My (step) daughter has seen a shadow at that corner, but it scared her, so it went away. Those girls used to give each other SUCH a hard time, and yet they loved each other. Boby didn't want to 'scare' her...just a joke. Boby was a joker. She was SO funny! She clowned around so much, that she created a characterization of 'her' clown. It is on the back of her headstone. Her 'signature' always included that clown. Her nickname was 'Karma'. She called herself Karma the clown. Below the clown on her stone, Karma is written in Old Germanic Runes. Boby could read them, write them, and was learning to sign them. Boby was in the truck with her twin brother when they were hauling the mustang that killed her home. It went out of control. Billy 'heard' her. He says she was what saved him. He can't imagine what else it could have been. Coincidence? When Boby quit breathing in Nebraska, her twin brother quit breathing right beside me in Ohio. He said: "I couldn't breathe!" Boby's last words were, "I can't breathe." Coincidence? I'm thinking...no. I could go on and on. There are more. And now I'm realizing that this involves our POV & how we perceive, if we do at all. And how we react. Cause and effect. A person's mind has to be open to these things, or people look at you funny.
I found myself laughing yesterday. It felt GOOD! And everytime I do, I 'feel' her with me. We discussed something as simple as a SMILE in Dr. Pete's class, and how it can change your psyc. And he had us try it, and it did!!! And I do it again and again...riding those strange loops...a most willing passenger. (Circles come to mind) Could "I" be circular? I'm thinking...yes.

What the sky tells me today...

You tend to be a master psychologist by nature, dear Virgo; you can accurately size a total stranger up after only a few minutes' acquaintance. However, today you might find this gift greatly expanded, particularly with regards to family members. It may even go beyond understanding others and into prophetic dreams and visions. Take care not to overanalyze what you're sensing. Make it work both for you and for those around you.

As I've said so many years on New Year's Eve, this year will be better.

New Years Eve this year, I'm saying, "2010 is gonna SUCK!" The odds should be with me if the past is any indication.

Last fall, I experienced the peace of near death. In January, my step-son passed over. In March, my mom. VERY soon I'm going to have to take BooBoo on her last ride...to the vet. The drama and discontent surrounds me, and has with a vengeance since the January loss. Out of love, I have allowed myself to be sucked into it. Now, again, I hear I am not a part of this family & should stay out. I've been called names, even by my step-granddaughter that I would prefer were not in cyberspace. This 'family' is divided and borderline dysfunctional. (1 dad, 2 moms and 7 kids total...at different times of course!...it's not THAT out there! :) ) Halfs. Steps. Wyoming is looking good. The Black Hills, the Bighorns. I have 2 other escapee ex wive friends in that state from this same family! (Long story) There is yet one more scar on my heart. The mountains screan out my name...and it echoes in my head. I'm a runaway. I ran as a kid, and have ran a big share of my life. I'm even a runaway bride. Yikes! I'm tired of running. And packing. And moving. And un-packing. I'm just...tired.

But my son is here. And my grandson. Blood. Tonight I am watching "We Shall Remain" on PBS.

http://www.pbs.org/wbgh/americanexperience/ Stories are spoken of in this series. And family, and ancestors, and how the stories, told down through the generations, are in our blood, & make us 'Who We Are'. I believe northern (Viking) tribes (correct me if I'm wrong) believe we need strife in our life. My question: Why? I'm perfectly content without it. I don't understand. And yet, it surrounds me.

Fractals and Strange Loops

I really do think too much. AND, I can't remember when my mind has been challenged so much.
It's GREAT!

"But if consciousness would seem to be represented by fractal behavior, what is the underlying recursive algorithm?"(dj)

I've got the feeling that the algorithm is simple...right there in front of my eyes. But still I think.
Is the algorithm consciousness?
Is the algorithm simply I?
Or should I just stick with riding the 'strange loops'?

Are these 'strange loops' what is going on in my head everyday?

We Shall Remain

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/weshallremain/the_films/episode_2_trailer

I watched a show on PBS tonight called "The Loneliest Animals", and would like to share this link...

http://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/episodes/the-loneliest-animals/introduction/4898/

A connection indeed!

Consciousness is a Tree...by God!

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=368741866&blogId=377052788

Wondering out loud

Poe said "Is all we see or seem, but a dream within a dream?"
So, I'm sitting here wondering if consciousness just ***poof***, disappears when our bodies die, or does it like so many other things in nature go on? Does "I" poof? Or just a fragment of "I"? Does consciousness stop functioning, and if so, when?

If there is a fine line between genius and insanity, could a person stand with a foot on each side? Is this as uncommon as is thought? (I've found myself often having a leg on each side & my mind in the middle.)

I recently watched a piece on pbs with Allen Alda. "Independent Lens" I think, on dreams. And in the past, I've peeked into dream interpretation books. The researchers that were with Mr. Alda somewhat concluded that our dreams are 'fragments' of all kinds of symbols, and in REM, our mind is trying to make sense of it, but that there may be no sense to it. (Leg on each side, mind in middle.)
I've recently been 'wondering' about dreams a lot lately. Not just my own, which finally have returned, but those of a family member. She has been showing signs of Gulf War Syndrome (as has her daughter, my granddaughter), and her dreams have been...not good. They have traced GWS back to a packet of pills that the troops were forced to take. (Agent Orange just *popped* into my mind.)
She has had some symptoms, and is persuing it through the VA now. I still worry...it's my nature, and my disease: GAD...generalized anxiety disorder. I've got it under control. If the GAD isn't bad enough, add depression and you get a comorbidity. Then, after the trauma, I suffered, and still do, from PTSD. I thought a person only got this after combat, but that's not true. Any trumatic experience can take you there, and it depends on so many influences as to the degree of the disease. Meaning. Control. Predictability. Coping strategies.... I am familiar with PTSD to the degree of my own experience. And now young men and women are coming home from Iraq and Afganistan with it...afraid to own it, as that would be displaying weakness. They've been contaminated and brain washed. And it doesn't end when their tour is over.

"Y" do there have to be wars?

How can humans be so...brutal? Mean? Where does that come from? I don't understand. I don't want to.

Strange Loop

It is my understanding that our brains encode and then categorize (after incoming info makes it from our working memory, to our short-term memory, and then into our long-term memory) any experiences we have had, or any new phenomena or information we receive from our environments &/or surroundings. So, deep within our brains are files, so to speak, somewhat like a filing cabinet, where this is all stored. And so, the reaching down would be our 'self' reaching into the cabinet, and pulling out a file that pertains to any new experiences or phenomena, and perhaps comparing notes...the new info vs. the old...where we then have the 'choice' to either update the old file, or leave it alone and dispose of the new info as useless. It seems to be a personal choice as to what we accept as useful or useless. Although, I believe that it is also probable that we could also choose to merely add the new info to the old, and thus encode that and store it for future use. It is what draws our attention...what we find important enough, interesting enough, useful enough, to work it through our levels of memory. We touched on this in Psychology, and in particular, 'Eye Witnesses'...who are, regardless of what attorneys may think, all but useless in a courtroom. There can be several eye-witnesses to the exact same incident, and each can/will have his/her own version of 'what happened'. Why? Because they viewed the incident from different places, points of view. They could individually be focusing on completely different aspects of the incident, allowing other aspects of the incident to slip past them, or go completely unnoticed. And in order for anything to even begin to enter into our minds and memories they have to be 'noticed'. We have to be 'aware' of them. We have to be 'conscious' of them. This 'Strange Loop', as the word loop alludes to, is very circular. AND, very individual. Individual because it is our individual 'choices' that decide what we encode and what we don't. And this contributes to just exactly why we are all so different. All of it. What I see may not be what others see. What I find interesting, others may find useless or boring. What others 'think' may not be what I think. Even our personal 'thoughts' are influential in determining what we choose to 'save', and what we 'choose' to discard. How we individually translate incoming information/phenomenon...and whether or not we decide if it is worth thinking about long enough to work into our memory or not. It seems to me that this 'Loop' is our selves choosing to reach into our past selves to determine what our future selves choose to be...or do with themselves. Choices. It would seem to me that this 'Loop' is happening in ourSelves all the time, subconsciously if nothing else...but I wouldn't swear to it, I'm just speaking for mySelf.
"That storm last night was awful!"
"I've seen worse."
"Then why do you stay here?"
"Because I choose to."

McLuhan & Poe...& a peek into lynda

Ah! McLuhan alludes to Poe! My interest is piqued! "Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." Sweet to know that, if indeed I am crazy, I'm not alone. In fact, in very good company!

"Have no fear today, dear Virgo, because you have the power and mental capacity to cut through just about anything. Don't let fear or regret hold you back. Clear the pathway and be strong in your approach to the new and different. Stay on target and be bold in all your actions. You have the ability to conquer new lands, both literally and figuratively. Release any mental blocks that might be clogging up your passageway to success."

Funny, how if we listen closely, the sky speaks to us...we merely have to 'listen'. It's more than just a wonderful place to spend your time. Sometimes I'm so reluctant to speak/write. Lack of self-confidence? Maybe. Maybe not. Fear of appearing stupid? Perhaps, but I really don't think so. I've often said that some of the most brilliant people I know are the ones that are capable of saying: "I don't know."

I've needed an outlet for my inner-most feelings. I have needed that for a long time. These things I share with very few. And now, here I am putting them out in cyberspace for the universe to see. Wow! What a giant step for lynda-kind! The sky today says to be strong and bold. Once upon a time I was very strong and bold. I had a true fight in me for what is 'right' and for the underdog. (After all, I'm a child of the 60's...an ol' hippy) And then tragedy struck me and knocked me into a cold and ugly hole that has taken years to crawl out of. It's time for all of that to change. It's time for me to 'listen' to all of the most quietly discreet signs and signals the universe, the ALL, has been so kindly nudging me with. It's taken me way too long, but I've finally learned to listen to my inner voice. Some would refer to that voice as woman's intuition. I call it my umbilical cord to God. It's never lied to me. That's more than I can say for 98% of the people who have walked into...and out of...my life.

This is my first journey with a guide. (Actually, not my first, and especially not with this guide. Our first journey started in class). A brilliant & extraordinary man indeed! But one that I've never laid eyes on. And yet, one I trust. A big part of my life has been spent meandering around the country. Seeing all I could see. Experiencing all that I could experience. And as I sit here now, I realize that in the end, it was disallusioning. Scenery changes, but people for the most part remain the same, no matter where you are. North Platte, NE. really would have never made it to the top of my list of places I wanted to live...but my son & grandson & step-daugher are here. And so I am too. The mountains are where I belong. I miss them, and that rustic cabin in the Selkirk mountain range. 13 acres of wonderment and beauty. Wildlife and adventure. Peace. The thought of castrating my ex for talking the kids & I down out of those mountains still occasionally runs through my head, but doing so would be way to up close and personal! ;) Promises of family clouded my judgement, and expectations have been known to lead to disappointment.

For the most part, I am a loner. I've found that the more people you allow deep within your life, the more confusing and chaotic life becomes. The word 'friend' is as misused as the word 'love' is. Their definitions have become twisted and distorted. I have weeded my garden well. I enjoy my own company...and the company of the chattering monkey that resides in my head. I 'think' too much. The monkey doesn't help me with that at all. Perhaps, after all these years, I should give him a name. Maybe that will make him happy, and he'll leave me alone. A girl can dream anyway! :) Perhaps I haven't named him yet because I don't want to be left alone...???
(To be continued...)

'I'

I've noticed that dj is lower case, and I find this most interesting, as I haven't capitalized the first letters of my name for years. And now I am (re)introduced to Pink Floyd's Learning To Fly, and am still, since yesterday, amazed at the 'coinkydink' of capitalization of the letter/word 'I' in this song...the emphasis on that I. I was extremely fortunate to have attended dj's final class, Science Fiction and the Supernatural. Sometimes, quietly, I think that I was led there. In my descriptive paper on the book Destination:Void, I referenced a site that spoke of the eye of I.
http://consciousnessproject.org/page.asp?PageID=21
And, as strange as this may sound, when I close my eyes, I see the eye of I looking back at me. This has been happening for almost 7 years now...since the death of my daughter, Boby. So imagine my amazement at this site! AND this class! And now, the continuation of Project Consciousness. I was SO not ready for that class to end...thanks dj!